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Lee Pitts

California cattleman Lee Pitts provides his brand of humor on issues surrounding the ag industry.

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I’m often asked by young students what they should study in college in order to become a professional writer. If I was one, perhaps I’d know. Other than the four mandatory years of English in high school, I’ve never taken a writing class in my life. Never.

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I’m sure you’ve read about the VFD. It’s kind of like BVD, bovine viral diarrhea, only VFD is a disease of the bureaucracy. In my opinion, it’s just another in a long line of regulations to fix something that wasn’t broke.

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A rancher must wear proper headgear at all times. He or she only takes off his or her hat in two instances: at a funeral or when soliciting funds from the banker.

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My shrewd buddy Everett came by for a visit today. I haven’t seen him for a while because he’s been hauling stock, driving his John Deere and learning how to operate a backhoe.

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My nephew and I were in the grocery store the other day when he spied a department store Santa Claus who had just finished his shift. It must have been a hard one, too – because the Santa was buying a bottle of booze.

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The time period leading up to Christmas is my favorite time of year, but as for the big day itself, Santa Claus seems to have lost our address. There are fewer packages under the tree with each passing year, and my wife has taken to wrapping boxes and placing them under the tree so there is something to unwrap Christmas morning.

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