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Lee Pitts

California cattleman Lee Pitts provides his brand of humor on issues surrounding the ag industry.

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The word “friend” just might be the most overused word in the English language. The word has been diluted like watered wine, a bar drink and the American dollar.

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I suppose it’s treasonous for me to say this, but I can think of at least three animals that deserve to be on our national emblem and our money more than the bald eagle. Dogs and cows, for instance. Better still, the horse.

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Sunday: I found Studly, the ram, in the bullpen. My horse, Gentleman, was there, too.

In fact, every animal I owned, including my dog, was in the bulls’ pasture and they were all trying to do strange things to one another.

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I’ve read countless articles on ways to make your feed last when drought has you in a death grip, but not one of them mentions the cheapest, easiest and most prevalent way to stretch your grass.

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I was the second of three children – the much dreaded “middle child” – and by the time I was ushered into this cruel world the newness of motherhood had worn off for my mom.

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What in the world was a truck hauling plastic shower stalls doing driving up the dirt road to a rich and eccentric neighbor of mine?

Was my slovenly neighbor all of a sudden interested in good hygiene? I was curious – so I followed the beautiful rig up the dirt road, where I was promptly asked if I’d help unload a piece of art that my neighbor just purchased. Of course I would. I mean, how heavy could a frame or a bronze be?

Very heavy, as it turned out. You see, my crazy neighbor didn’t buy a Russell or a Van Gogh, although he’s certainly rich enough to do so, but rather an art “installation” that looked like what might be the result if a yellow Edsel clobbered a purple Yugo head-on, and then a flock of sea birds with loose bowels bombed it from above.

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