We do not always think of the supervisor-employee relationship as an interpersonal relationship. It is. In fact for most employees, it is one of the three or four most important relationships in their lives.
Research shows that approximately two-thirds of employee resignations are a result of a poor relationship with their supervisor rather than problems with the company or organization.
Obviously, different types of relationships have different characteristics. Parent-child relationships are different from spousal or sibling relationships. Employee-supervisor relationships have many unique characteristics.
All relationships have one characteristic in common. Relationships are about trust. Think about relationships that have deteriorated. What happened? Almost always, the deterioration results from one or both parties violating the trust of the other person.
Stephen Covey, in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, likened the level of trust in a relationship to a bank account. Deposits are made with encouragement, compliments, smiles, training, integrity, listening, suggestions, etc.
Withdrawals are taken with anger, broken promises, coercion, criticisms, lies, pettiness, etc. He called this the emotional bank account. Deposits increase trust and improve the relationship; withdrawals have the opposite result.
It is crucial to keep in mind that all interpersonal interactions have two objectives. One is to accomplish whatever it is that is being discussed or decided. The second is to improve the relationship – increase trust.
If we get what we want out of the interaction but diminish trust as a result, the effectiveness of the interaction is greatly diminished.
As we have discussed often in these articles, the key to improving trust and respect in the supervisor-employee relationship is fairness. Too often, supervisors let “just being nice” supersede what is fair and needed. This is not unlike parents who are “nice” to their children but in the process spoil them.
Fairness involves providing great clarity regarding what is expected (I call it “chalking the field”) and providing large quantities of high-quality feedback.
Below are three actions I have found valuable in improving supervisor-employee relationships.
Provide encouragement
Being a supervisor is not easy. The supervisor is responsible not only for their own responsibilities but also for seeing that those they supervise perform.
The reality is, however, that being an employee is not always easy either. The employee must understand and meet the expectations given to him. Unfortunately, these expectations are not always clearly explained.
Meeting the expectations of one’s supervisor can be frustrating. Almost all employees want very much to succeed, causing them to avoid anything that might be viewed poorly by their supervisor. Too often, this leads to a reluctance to ask questions or make suggestions for fear of looking stupid or not understanding.
One powerful way to overcome this frustration and fear is to provide encouragement. A simple “I know you can do this” or “I have confidence in you” can be very powerful in overcoming the frustration and fear.
Encouragement can also increase confidence. Note that encouragement is one of the deposits in the emotional bank account mentioned by Covey.
Avoid defensiveness
Think of the last time someone made you feel as though you had to defend yourself. If you are like most members of the human race, you were feeling very uncomfortable and not perceiving that you had much control over the situation. You were not in a position to have a positive, productive discussion.
When an employee does something unsatisfactory in the eyes of a supervisor, the supervisor often wants to talk about what happened, what went wrong and, often, why the employee did what he or she did.
Unfortunately, this places the employee in a very defensive position. He has no control over what was done in the past.
What, then, can be done to minimize the defensiveness felt by the employee? The answer is to, as quickly as possible, transition the discussion to what the employee can and will do when the situations arises in the future.
Now the employee has control over what can be done. The likelihood of a productive discussion is greatly increased. You have minimized the withdrawals from the emotional bank account due to criticism and even anger or coercion.
You have quickly transitioned to training, suggestions and maybe even encouragement – all deposits in the emotional bank account.
Be proactive
In previous articles, I have noted that employees have three attributes absent from livestock and crops: They can speak; they can think; they have feelings. Being proactive – in establishing clarity and expectations, in providing feedback and in addressing employee issues – maximizes the value of these people attributes.
I encourage supervisors to have frequent, structured interactions with their employees to benefit from these added attributes. These frequent, short, often monthly meetings are used to discuss performance and address any issues important to the employee.
I call them informal formal meetings. Formal because they are regular and have some structure, informal as they are informal and very collegial.
Concluding message
Remember that all interactions have two objectives: to accomplish whatever it is that is being discussed or decided and to improve the overall relationship – increase trust. 
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Bob Milligan
- Professor emeritus
- Dyson School of Applied Economics and Management - Cornell University
- Email Bob Milligan
