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On the Edge of Common Sense: Hind speak

Baxter Black for Progressive Cattle Published on 24 June 2020

“Hey buddy, maybe you’ll rope better after your horse foals. Ha ha!”

“Thanks, pal. I had a horse like yours once. But his brain was so small his head caved in and he bit his own ears off. Look, it’s starting in yours … see that indentation?”

The quick retort. That clever comeback, the snappy rejoinder that puts the annoying smart mouth in his place. The French call it esprit d’escalier – the wit of the stairway. In my case, it would be better called esprit d’ much later. I don’t think of what I wished I’d said ’til I’m tossing and turning at 2 o’clock in the morning.

My normal response to the roping chide would have been more like, “Huh? Oh. It’s a gelding. Yeah, I guess you know, I get it. Ha, ha. Duh!”

The trick is to let the tormentor step into his own trap:

“My gosh, Bill, if I had a bull that threw calves like that I’d sell ’im as quick as I could.”
“You had … you did. I bought him at yer yearlin’ sale two years ago.”

“This is ridiculous, havin’ to nearly undress to get through airport security.”
“I’ve never heard anyone say that who’s been hijacked.”

“I’ve been tryin’ to call you for three weeks to tell you about this great networking investment opportunity. How do you expect people to get a hold of you if you have an unlisted phone number?”
(A visual esprit d’escalier … the raised eyebrows)

“How can you live without a computer?”
“Somebody’s gotta think up all that stuff you read on that little screen.”

“Ugh … how can you wear that fur coat?”
“I’m doing research on lunatics, and this seems to be good bait.”

“Dear, why do you always undercook my bacon? You know I like it crisp.”
“Yer mother always cooked it crisp and said you were difficult to potty train. I don’t want you to revert.”

“I hope you don’t mind us joining you. Looks like yer catchin’ all the fish.”
“Not a bit; have y’all been vaccinated for leprosy?”

“I run every day. Are you familiar with running?”
“Yeah, I saw The Fugitive.”

“How could anyone be so stupid?”
“Maybe it’s the company I keep.”

Now that you’ve got the idea, try this on …
“Did you make that bridle yourself or is your kid learning leatherwork in kindergarten?”  end mark